-Indy MEGASTAR! Jimmy Gargano (Real Name: Jim Garganopolis) is rumored to have been signed with WWE after appearing in a tryout role where he acted as Micheal Cole's (Real name: Ricky Martin) "Anti-Heidenreich-Rape Guard". However, these rumors may be false, as according to Vince McMahon, "We already have enough Japs on the roster".
-Tyler Black (Real Name: Tyler Black) is scheduled to face Davey Richards (Real Name: Davey Jones) to defend the Ring of Honor title on pay per view. Ring of Honor is expecting a buyrate of six people, which some are calling a very ambitious goal.
-In TNA news: TNA still sucks.
-Tommy Dreamer (Real Name: Tommy Dreamer) made a debut in the Japanese promotion CHIKARA recently, in a no-contest against Eddie Kingston (Real Name: Eddie Gordo), the match cut short by CHIKARA's BDK stable, which is a stable consisting of German techno fans. Dreamer and Kingston are scheduled to face BDK members Ares (Real Name: Mars, The God of War) and Claudio Castagnoli (Real name: Claude Ravioli). This confirms that Tommy Dreamer is now officially working for every promotion ever, including the ones that no longer exist.
-In UFC news (which now counts as pro wrestling, that's why Wrestling Observer reports on it, ARE YOU CALLING DAVE MELTZER A LIAR MOTHERFUCKER?!), UFC 2010 has been officially declared "The Best Fucking Video Game Ever" by a UN tribunal. Hideo Kojima (Real Name: Satoshi Kojima), director of the movie You Will Watch Raiden And Like Him, No Matter How Emo He Is, Bitches (known as Metal Gear Solid 4 in the US), disagrees, saying it needs "at least seventeen hours worth of cutscenes". Indy game developer and three-time Biggest Douche In The Universe Award winner Matt Dickie (real name: Richard Weiner) says "SOMEONE PLEASE LIKE ME!".
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
More info leaked from WWE
In a Teh Wrasslin Newzwire!!1 exclusive, we've obtained a recorded phone call between Vince McMahon (real name: Vincent K. McMahon Jr) and R-Truth (real name: R-Trizzuth):
Vince: Truth, I just talked to Creative...
Truth: WHATS UP?!
Vince: Well we were thinking you need to freshen up your character.
Truth: What, you mean... do something besides recite the same bad rap every week? That's been my gimmick since I was K-Kwik!
Vince: K-Kwik? Who is K-Kwik?
Truth: That was my name the first time I was here, remember?
Vince: No... are you sure you were working in WWE at the time?
Truth: I was with Road Dogg?
Vince: Doesn't ring a bell... anyways, no, your gimmick is fine. It's bland and repetitive, just like we like it. No, it's about your finisher, that spinny kick thing.
Truth: What's wrong with it?
Vince: Well, all you do is spinny kicks, so we need something else.
Truth: But spinny kicks are all I can do, sir!
Vince: What about a spinny elbow?
Truth: Uh... sure, I think I might be able to do that.
Vince: PERFECT! We'll give it a name, something like... I don't know... the Lie Detector, but better.
Vince: Truth, I just talked to Creative...
Truth: WHATS UP?!
Vince: Well we were thinking you need to freshen up your character.
Truth: What, you mean... do something besides recite the same bad rap every week? That's been my gimmick since I was K-Kwik!
Vince: K-Kwik? Who is K-Kwik?
Truth: That was my name the first time I was here, remember?
Vince: No... are you sure you were working in WWE at the time?
Truth: I was with Road Dogg?
Vince: Doesn't ring a bell... anyways, no, your gimmick is fine. It's bland and repetitive, just like we like it. No, it's about your finisher, that spinny kick thing.
Truth: What's wrong with it?
Vince: Well, all you do is spinny kicks, so we need something else.
Truth: But spinny kicks are all I can do, sir!
Vince: What about a spinny elbow?
Truth: Uh... sure, I think I might be able to do that.
Vince: PERFECT! We'll give it a name, something like... I don't know... the Lie Detector, but better.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Vince McMahon's Guest Host "Wish List" Leaked
After it was discovered that Vince McMahon wanted the long deceased former host of Family Feud, Ray Combs, to guest host Raw*, a "wish list" of other potential hosts was discovered by an anonymous source within WWE.
The list includes:
-George Harrison of the Beatles
-Cliff Burton of Metallica
-Raul Julia
-"President of the United States" Gerald Ford
-Milli Vanilli
-Brandon Lee
-The cast of "The new hit movie" Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
There's also rumors that Betty White (MMA record 48-0-0, 45 KO 3 SUB) is gaining fan interest to host Raw, but Vince McMahon has no idea who Betty White is.
*= Seriously, that's not a joke. He actually wanted this.
The list includes:
-George Harrison of the Beatles
-Cliff Burton of Metallica
-Raul Julia
-"President of the United States" Gerald Ford
-Milli Vanilli
-Brandon Lee
-The cast of "The new hit movie" Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
There's also rumors that Betty White (MMA record 48-0-0, 45 KO 3 SUB) is gaining fan interest to host Raw, but Vince McMahon has no idea who Betty White is.
*= Seriously, that's not a joke. He actually wanted this.
Over The Limit Ring Fired
After causing an injury to Randy Orton this sunday, the ring for Over The Limit was released from it's WWE contract.
A statement on WWE.com reads:
"WWE has come to terms with the release of the Over The Limit Ring. We wish it the best in it's future endeavors".
Apparently Dixie Carter tweeted the following after hearing the news:
"Over The Limit Ring to TNA, should we do it?"
Meanwhile Over The Limit Ring has already won and lost the DDT Ironman Heavymetalweight title six times.
A statement on WWE.com reads:
"WWE has come to terms with the release of the Over The Limit Ring. We wish it the best in it's future endeavors".
Apparently Dixie Carter tweeted the following after hearing the news:
"Over The Limit Ring to TNA, should we do it?"
Meanwhile Over The Limit Ring has already won and lost the DDT Ironman Heavymetalweight title six times.
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